Day one had breakfast in bed and ice cream at night. I forgot to mention. Day two, the way mornings should be. This certain way she smiles when wakes up and realizes where she is is saved in my head. And every morning I make sure it is still there, and today it was. There was school for her and work for me. A stolen lunch break cuddle session. As I swept and replayed the previous days events I came to a conclusion. You decide to love some one. And you decide to love them as long as you want to. It's not chemical, it's a decision. You can continue to fall into patterns or not. You can hold things against people or not. You can let your parents relationship, your grandparents relationship, or your past relationships affect what you do today, but you shouldn't. And now I won't. Day two was good, but sharing it with someone was better.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Waking up at 5:30 in the morning not knowing if that is the last time you wake up next to someone you love is not something I recommend. 2 or so hours spent putting little kisses on a shoulder or cheek, trying to wake her up isn't as bad as it could be, just to long. That first conversation of day should never contain "are you staying?" or "do you still want to get married?" or "do you want to try to help me be better?. Make up sex should not have to occur, but at least it does. Hours at work should not be worn away by stomach pain and unreturned text messages. Knowing someone isn't leaving doesn't mean anything when you can't see them. But coming home to them on the couch with a smile on their face and a ring on their finger means more than you can imagine, unless you've survived a shipwreck, or been where I have, throwing away something that no matter how much you tell yourself you deserve it, you can't make yourself believe that you've earned it. That nights sleep is much less restless. To more nights sleeps like that.
Every single hateful, angry, spiteful, baiting and horrible thing said by myself ran on repeat through my head. The list not as long as it could be, but still entirely too long. I sat in front of the door and watched as things got folded up, or stuffed into bags or thrown across the room. I said things that in the past may have calmed the situation down, or at least now make me feel better, but never worked. Tears and more tears. Finally it was agreed for one more night we would try. I didn't sleep alone. But I figured out that you don't have to be the person you have always been. And sometimes in the morning everything is ok.
Monday, May 26, 2008
The amount of effort I put into this is seriously lacking. Tomorrow, it will be much better, I promise. Enjoy your day bbqing, I'll be rocking out in Pomona!
That last one is my two friends Roach and Bert and me smashed on Christian Brothers in the front of my house.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I am supposed to be asleep. I have a meeting at work in 5ish hours. I was supposed to be working tonight, but I didn't. Somedays you get sick. Somedays you pretend.
I'm looking out of my new window. There is also another window to my right. Both of them show lights. A shopping center. An intersection. A gas station. A liquor store.
It is pretty hot in my house, even now, at 1:32 in the morning. I have a bed made up in the living room, with a fan blowing on it, with a beautiful woman in it. I should be in it.
Something about all of this makes me feel really old.
The cursor sat there blinking at me. I could do nothing about it. I'm going to try to sleep. I'll get to what all this nonsense is about later.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The interweb has been restored at my place of dwelling. I moved my computer into the "band" room, so now I have a new window to look out of. The house is full of new faces. Not really, they just pay rent now ;) Yesterday it was something like 100 degrees, so Bert, Stephanie and myself bought squirt guns and had an old fashioned water fight. Shits tight. In honor of the return of the internets, I made this little mix. Its for Imperceptible, because I've missed her virtual self. (p.s. the Tim Barry/Chuck Ragan/Guy from Lucero show will own everyone!) And Henri, because I like him. It has some different things on it. Enjoy.
Welcome Back - Mix - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=GC6HFFMO
Dear Chicago - Ryan Adams
Paper Planes - M.I.A.
Jackie - Scott Walker
Candle In The Wind (Ben's Song) - Andrew Jackson Jihad
We Are Wild Stallions - The Riot Before
Burn Guelph Burn - The Sainte Catherines
To Hell With Good IntentionsvMclusky
graveyard girl - m83
Drunk Mouth Kitchen Smile - The Lawrence Arms
All Alone In My Big Lonely Apartment - Bomb the Music Industry!
The Lazyboy 500 - The Falcon
$4 Pabst - The Gunshy
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I apologize for not being around. There have shows played, bikes ridden, drinks consumed, and internet shut off. All will be well soon. I hope all are saving their pennies for their flights to California next May;)