second or third hand

I keep drug addict hours. When the sun is out my eyes are blank, half-grey, and surrounded with sweat. My nails are kept long to remind myself I am scratching at the surface. My fourth or fifth borrowed car collects parking tickets in front of my building. I found myself standing alone on the corner two nights ago. The power was out so I could see the stars for the first time; the first time from this spot. I yelled and shook and surprised a stranger that wasn't there when I opened my eyes. I take my glasses off when I smoke those menthols my roommates scatter around. I trace a tag on the ground with one of my bare toes, skipping over the a in the middle. The money is all gone. Yawns bookend floods of creativity and resentment. I find churches to say I used to visit, forge receipts for tithes I make in my head, and keep the pastor's card in my wallet. My phone battery dies every twenty minutes. That is why I keep missing these calls. I write the phone number to the house I grew up in on all these liquor store receipts and but them in a green whiskey bottle.The hall closet holds a wedding dress and two vacuum cleaners. They have all been used once. Waves of sleep crash into the building. Sometimes I can stay up long enough to catch the last light go out. Then the hallway is dark. All of my furniture comes from a sober living house a few blocks over. It all has to be changed when they get a new addict. The manager gives me a heads up of what will be on the curb when. I got a necklace that way once. It was taped to the underside of a desk. It has the name of a gentleman on it. I got his desk when he couldn't take it anymore and stood on his chair with rope. I didn't get his chair. I have my own.

Going Back

I'm going back to Chicago.

Less than 12 hours I will be there.

I'll send picture updates. Maybe a written update.

I am totally excited. Stephanie is going with me.

I am at home, coming out of a drunken haze, waiting for here to show up. Our flight leaves at 6:52. If she isn't here in time, I'm taking the flyaway.

Someone who means a lot to me told me one time you have to make a decision, and give someone else the opportunity to come along. If they don't come, well, they don't.

They better.

spraypaint

I painted this last night. I was supposed to be folding burritos, but it was slow, so they sent me home. Definitely ok with that.

Bill, myself, and some other people are going to make suicide mixes. The idea is that these are the songs you would listen to before you killed yourself, they would be your suicide note.

I'm going get started on that and wait for a plane from New York to show up. Consider me excited on all fronts.

a very complete list of airports visited in 2007

in chronological order (repeats not shown)

• Burbank, CA
  
• Oakland, CA
  
• Seattle, WA
  
• Redmond, OR
  
• Eugene, OR
• San Francisco, CA
• Ontario, CA
• Tampa, FL
• Orlando, FL
• Los Angeles, CA
• Dallas, TX
  
• Salt Lake City, UT
• Denver, CO
• Columbus, OH
  
• Chicago, IL (Midway)

I think that is it. What a year for flying. Going to try to hit some new ones in 2008. Any suggestions?