Today I tried to ruin someone's life

At one of the last tables I had today at Pepper's, I tried to ruin one of the ladies life.

It came out quickly in the server/table exchanges that she was getting married next Saturday, and that this was her last meal before her bachelorette party. She was having lunch with her mother.

So I tried, I tried to ruin her life.

I was going to be the most charming, handsome, charismatic, funny, fuckable waiter with a moustace that she had ever had wait on her. I laid it on thick. We talked about puking, and penis straws, and lemons, and wedding jitters. She was laughing, and smiling, and had a good meal, and I was 95% responsible.

Now, I still want her to get married, I just wanted her to second guess her decision a couple of more times before she follows through with it.

So, to the blonde bride-to-be with the Hello Kitty bank card: Good Luck tonightat saddleranch! Do shots, kiss your friends, where a dick candy on your shirt, grind up against some greasy club guy and ride the bull. Make sure you ride the bull.

I'm sure she will be fine.

tears on my headrest

I drove my good friend Gabe to work this morning. I was hungover. The sun was out, the air was still, it was beautiful. I listened to a band I've heard 1800 times again, and it felt new. I cried. When I got home I crawled back into bed. The day has been longer than I could have ever imagined.

virginia is for video day

see how I did that?

I was thinking about what to post today, and it was headed in the same sort of sad, self evaluating tone as most of my recent posts. Then I thought, "Hey, everyone knows this stuff already, why don't you do a video day post?" So that is what today is. Video day, with a theme. These are some of my favorite bands, and they all have something in common with imperceptibility, VIRGINIA!

So watch these videos, enjoy your sunday, keep your fingers crossed I don't have some sort of exciting nervous breakdown before we speak again, and if you happen to be in the Evanston, Il area between 3:30 and 10 tonight, come to Chili's, I'll make you a drink.

Tim Barry - Lombardy St (One of my favorite AVAIL songs, so two birds, one video)


Smoke or Fire - The Patty Hearst Syndrome


Strike Anywhere - Instinct


The Riot Before - Take That, The Government (I saw this exact performance in Florida at noonish on a saturday. I was drinking a tall can of PBR. It was nice.)

The Riot Before - live at the Fest 6 from Chris Moran on Vimeo.

And a bonus scene from High Fidelity that keeps playing over and over again in my head for reasons unknown.

...

I am existential crisis. I sit in a leather chair at a bookstore and talk with my mother. I want to make sure she is sober. I want to make sure she is ok. I just talk about myself instead. I tell her what I'm thinking, almost. SO i say goodbye and I walk down the street. The sun is down. It is cold. Cars drive past and their headlights bloom. It might be tears. It might be my eyes quiting on me. Strangers and their children look at me. They know. They can see it. I got rid of most of my stuff. I left some of it in the care of others. I took plains and buses to get 2,011 miles away, the long way. And what do I do? I still ask if you would like a PRESIDENTE margarita. I don't play guitar. I play it less, which I didn't think was possible. I don't write. I barely even think. Except for tonight. This light won't change. I don't change either. I have to cross the street. I have to make money. I have to pay rent. I have to be an adult. I am existential crisis. I can't change my mind. I can't give up. I cant retreat. I can't deem the whole experiment a failure. I can't try a different trajectory. I can't try a different location. I can second guess. And I do. And I will, no matter what happens. I'm standing on a corner waiting for a light to change, but I'm also riding in a car in the dark of the desert with a song playing, and I'm sitting in the back of a van on a nameless highway, and I'm looking out the window of an suv at some homes I'll never own and wondering why people kill and thinking I could never feel that way. Till I do. I am existential crisis. It shows on my face. My tables and coworkers think I'm tired. They ask if I'm sad. They ask if I'm drunk. They ask if I'm hungover. And I am. But not the way they get hung over. I forget to ask people how they want there meat cooked. Instead I standing on a balcony in the hills or lying naked in a car or screaming with all my heart or being screamed at. 365 days ago. I am a year older, a year of difference. But it feels like I just read a book about it. I get an extra day this year. I'll fuck it up like the rest. Not the rest of the world, but the rest of my days. I am existential crisis.

a shitty day gets better

Yesterday I woke up and went to a job interview. It is to bartend at a gay sports bar. I figure guys always try to impress ladies with the tips they give them, so why not take advantage of it. SO at the interview they told me they didn't like my (literal) beard and that I would have to shave it off. Also through out the whole thing they talked down to me like I was 14 and have never been inside a bar before. I had felt good about the whole thing going into it, but this just made me feel like shit. It piled on the shrinking bank account and random pains of loneliness and made the day start to feel long and shitty. So what did I do?

I got a job at Pepper's.

Yup, I'm back slanging margaritas and hopefully corndogs for the man. I'm not excited, but my wallet and bank account are, and that will make my belly happy when I fill it with Old Style and tater tots. (Apparently tater tots are a hot bar food out here, I haven't partaken yet, but I'm excited to.) The up side to the whole thing is I don't have to learn anything new, I'll start bartending instead of having to work my way up at another restaurant. And it is a franchise, and Whit used to fascinate me with tales weaved of a glorious Pepper's in the northwest that was a franchise and pretty much kicked ass. So hopefully that's how it is here. I didn't hate the Pepper's in Sacramento, so I could like this one.

Then the day got better.

I hung out at a dance club with a guy who was a rep for BUSHMILLS, so I drank a bunch of it for free then I ate the largest slice of pizza ever. IT WAS HUGE!

And on the train ride home, my car was the happiest place on earth. There was a girl getting escorted most of the way home by a date/stranger. As soon as he got up another guy sat next to her and tried to pick her up. Two sisters sat next to each other and tried to crush the other one and laughed loud and hard. 4 guys argued about sports and tried to get a sing along started. A girl with afropuffs and he super tall company smiled and talked something very interesting I only caught glimpses of. And I sat there, drunk, being embraced by my new home. A nice hug it was.

a farewell to peppers

Oh peppers, how you made my days go by, how you filled my pockets, how you helped my middle class attempts at smashing the state. You made me drinking buddies and bowling friends. You brought people to sing with in karaoke bars. Dry-run-thru's of taxes were done at your bar. Surprise visits to lovers too. Peppers you were the backdrop to some of the best and worse days. To some spirited debates and colorful outbursts. You let me outlast more than I should, but I go before many others who should already be gone.

So here's to you peppers, to the people that you let me meet, the beliefs you reinforced, the money you allowed me to make, and the friends I will never forget, even though they have already started to forget me. Thank you for these folks - Whit, Tricia, Miska, Carey, Juan, Randy, Tommie, Kelly, Red, Louis, Harper, Wayne, Bryan, Anderson, Keisha, Sam, Heidi, Donna, Deanna, Ashley, All the hosts with their sexy teenage butts, Vicki, Gina, Kevin, everyone I ever drank with, everyone I ever made fun of, and everyone I will never miss.

Peppers, You hardly knew me.

things i would rather be doing then going to work

which is what I am doing.

bikes. music. fun.

dead to me - special professional

the secret life of woman

this has been rattling inside my head for a couple of days.


One, two, three. A midori sour. A bud light. A lemonade for the pregnant friend. Ten children between the three women sitting at my table, but those kids are somewhere else. It might be eleven, I can't tell when they think it's life or not. Husbands being stay at home dads, at least for the evening, at least by the look on the rings on their left hands. Another midori sour, sides of ranch for the table. They giggle and smile and swear like sailors. They talk shit about another lady, about an ex husband, about the government. Another midori sour, more bud light. Flirty comments about after work Saturday night plans. Elbow touches and subtle winks. No more drinks, more laughing. Cash on the table and cash in my hand. Back to the car seats and formal living rooms that see no living. Back to families. Back to the responsibility, the doctor visits, the tax man. Back to the medications, back to preschools, back to happiness, of a different kind. The secret life of these women is over for now, an hour or so of distraction left like a french fry in a bucket of ranch. We have more in common than we know.

the neverending battle of will and want

the want: a pile of my possessions in the desert catching fire.
the will: a dirty bedroom floor.

the want: a single-finger salute to my bosses.
the will: a reverse goatee.

the want: writing new songs and singing them in circles with friends.
the will: practice? are we talking about practice?

the want: a family dinner.
the will: fake chicken, plastic plates, dr pepper.

the want: more life moments from john cusack movies.
the will: more life moments from a bootlegged movie.

the want: more.
the will: less.

Pepper's Hates Beards

Saturday I was told to shave off my beard for work. That I couldn't have it anymore. The same beard I had when I was hired, and when I worked at the pepper's in sacramento, the same beard I had for almost the whole time I worked there. SO saturday they told me I had to get rid of it.

Right before my birthday.

Motherfuckers.

So this is what they get!

4 more days.

the mild disapointment in job retention.

I didn't get fired yesterday.

And it was a little sad. I had put together a nice little post-Pepper's bus trip of the country that would have made me the envy/laughingstock of the adult world. I was going to sleep on couches all over the place. I was going to see family and friends. I was going to go see bands play in small clubs in cities I always wanted to go to. I was going to track down a blogger or two and use the shower. But alas, I still have a job.

There's always today though! (I was going to put a wink here, but that would have just pissed me off when I read it over.)

someone sound the overreaction alarm - mix

I got woken up by a phone call this morning. A fellow bartender at Pepper's was fired last night for giving away free drinks. I give away free drinks. I probably give away more free drinks than anyone else. I also give away chips and salsa. And salads. And soups. And sodas. And once a whole steak dinner. So I should be on my way out. I'm curious if they give me the ax tonight at work, or wait, or don't fire me. I don't see how they can't seem to know. Maybe they don't.

Whatever.

I made a mix for the feeling in my chest about the whole thing. If my pending letting go happens, and is turned into a movie, this would be the soundtrack.

If This Is It - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=1CRZVBAX
Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis - Tom Waits
A New Name For Everything - The Weakerthans
Justin - Against Me!
Nature Of The Experiment - Tokyo Police Club
Never Trust a Man Without a Horribly Embarassing Secret - Bomb The Music Industry!
Save Our Ship - Broadway Calls
Time Bomb - The Dismemberment Plan
Perfecting Loneliness - Jets To Brazil
Are You There Yet Margaret? It's Me God. - The Lawrence Arms

karma police

Last night at the wonderful hellhole that is Peppers a family brought in their 16 year old son to celebrate his birthday. There were parents, a grandparent, a sister, and some friends. I was their waiter.

This party of 10 was filled with a good cross-section of typical restaurant patrons.

• The fatty who wanted ranch on everything. EXTRA RANCH at that. And an appetizer. And an extra side.
• The kid who drinks water and doesn't eat.
• The lady who asks where the salads are on the menu while looking at them.
• The lady who doesn't speak english.
• The drunk.
• The toothless gentleman.
• The guy who wants his check split off, then changes his mind.
• The guy who asks for a refill after you announce to the table that you will be right back with their refills.

Basically, I hated them. But I kept my hatred hidden while doing my job. And I did a very good job too, even getting a very spirited birthday song out of my co-workers for the birthday boy. They had three checks, all paid with credit cards. As the father was paying for his, which was the bulk of the bill, he told me "Don't worry, your tip is on the table". So they all left, and sitting amongst the dirty dishes on the table was six dollars.

There bill was 185 bucks.

So when the drunk mom and toothless gentleman came in 5 minutes later to look for her glasses that she had lost, and they weren't on the table or the ground, I couldn't help but go to the back of the restaurant and air high-fiving the thing in charge of karma.

Thank you good sir, thank you.

I hope your glasses aren't prescription...

p.s. I totally put in my notice at Peppers yesterday too! I will be joining Whit in the ex-pepper employee box checking.