A dusting of my thoughts

There is a black cup on my desk with ice and water. It had more water in it, but I've been drinking it. Instead of walking into the kitchen I sit thirsty and let the ice melt. A song plays on my computer and it reminds me of someone in my life, so I change it to a song that reminds me of someone who isn't in my life anymore. I keep hoping the ice melts faster, more like the speed I am hurtling myself towards twenty eight, twenty nine and thirty. I'm waiting for the lines to develop on my face; an outward manifestation of the stress cracks covering my heart. I laugh out loud at things people say about my decisions that are supposed to be mean or judgmental. Sometimes I do things just to see the look on their faces. Other times I keep a house full of secrets to myself. It is time to set them free, but I need an ocean. I need some nightswimming. I lost my key, I think it sank to the bottom of the sea. I must get it back.