about the thing I do when I'm...

I've been leaning back in my chair. hand on my head, scratching at my scalp.

It is a nervous tick.

I'm fucking nervous. Insane. Too much. I totally fucked up. Everything I said I wouldn't do, well, I did.

But it is sooooo good.

Those fleeting moments you seem to see in movies, or read about in magazines, or hear people talk about on trains.

I have that now. All to myself.

And I'm the only one who knows.

I've lately felt like I've been screaming into a cave, yelling at the top of my lungs in the deepest ocean.

It is totally ok.

At least I have a voice.

lunch break party is almost over

i'm smoking cloves, drinking beer, making a mix.

i leave to go back to work in 5 minutes.

i have no insurance, no smog, no registration.

i have 2 bucks in savings, 100 in checking, 40 in my pocket.

i'm out of gas.

i get paid in 10 days.

i work 45-50 hours a week. I don't get paid daily overtime. i get one day off every seven.

i'm in love. i'm in a great band.

i miss my families. i miss some of my friends. i miss my moustache.

i've never been happier. i've never been lonelier. i've never been so low. i've never been so high.

i love music. i love life. i love you.

have a great day.

i'm trying too.