Each time you turn a corner, you are right back to where you were

I read a book over the last couple of days. Life After God by Douglas Coupland. I broke a tooth in half eating a salad. I remember hearing about existential crisis (<---definately my head right now) when taking a class and reading The Stranger by Camus. The book reading and the tooth breaking have put me in full crisis mode. The pain from the tooth is minor. I don't even miss it. I don't trust my body, and it doesn't trust/like me. We have an understanding. Maybe. But minutes after the tooth breaking I realized that I had to figure out a way to do something with my half tooth still in my mouth. I could leave it and embrace my future as quality Antelope Valley resident, or I could go to a dentist and spend money I don't have to reach some sort of healthier alternative. So I have that going for me. I keep going over and over in my head how I am going to take care of this and at the same time I finish reading this book. I'm fucked, mentally. I flip-flop from walking out of the house getting in my car and never coming back, taking the 300 bucks and hole in my mouth to a new place or falling in line. Going to college, getting a career, buying a car, buying a house, getting married, having kids, smoking cigars, hanging myself. I woke up with a brand new exciting stomach pain. It must be the ultimate me trying to get out, ripping my insides to pieces in the process. I have never hated myself so much before. I have never been happier. I am going to the dentist.