Sunday, April 22, 2007

is that a hernia in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

So, I live with Whit. And Tricia. And their two kids. It is a cozy little arrangement and I love it. So thursday the youngest put a tinker toy in the toilet and Whit flushed it. No big deal, did a little plunging, everything was fine. But the next time I went to the bathroom I had to plunge too. With that in mind I skip my usual pre-shower shit and go about my routine getting ready to work. On my way to Chili's I tell myself "No big deal Anthony, just shit when you get there. It will be slow." I was right, it was slow. About 2 1/2 hours into my shift I get the most intense stomach pain I have ever had in my life. Not a slow build, but an all out ninja-sneak-attack on my insides. But not my insides, it feels like a knife is getting shoved through my belly button. I go into disaster mode, ITS A HERNIA!!!!! IN MY BELLY BUTTON!!!! NO INSURANCE!!!!! I'M FUCKED!!!!! I tell the manager I am dying, I get someone to stay and close for me, I tell everyone I work with I have a hernia, I start thinking what good organs I have left to sell to cover the operation. Then glorious Whit asks me about the poopoo situation. I HAD FORGOTTEN TO SHIT! I do it, I feel a little better. I leave work, get some generic gas-x, poop a little more, and OH GLORIOUS DAY! No hernia for me.

I was thinking about it, and I think I did actually have a hernia, but when I verbalized having a hernia it healed itself. Usually when I talk about something great/horrible out loud it doesn't happen. I might be right on this one. Or I might not.