Mission

A few blocks away, over on Mission, there is a liquor store called Don's. It is ran by a man named Randy. I walk over there whenever the president speaks on television. Randy has a small TV set behind the counter and he puts the speech on it for me. I get a Styrofoam cup from next to the soda fountain and dump Christian Brothers into it. Randy doesn't like it when I drink in the store but he turns his head when the president is on TV. Sean sits outside chain smoking and drinking Old Crow. I get tired of hearing the same things so I sit on the curb with Sean drinking during the applause and laughing at the kid begging for change.

tears on my headrest

I drove my good friend Gabe to work this morning. I was hungover. The sun was out, the air was still, it was beautiful. I listened to a band I've heard 1800 times again, and it felt new. I cried. When I got home I crawled back into bed. The day has been longer than I could have ever imagined.

well there's poor then there's poor

That's the opening line from a song my friend Dan wrote today. He recorded it and sent it to me. It is very good. When there is a proper version of it I'll pass it along.

Yesterday I learned something about my friends when I was trying to be told something else about them. Another person, my dad, was trying to get me to join the military. And he was saying I've wasted the past 8 or so years of my life. And that my friends don't care about me. I threw rocks across the street at a real estate sign that I couldn't hit. I drank box wine from a red solo cup and tried not to cry when trying to defend my actions/feelings/loves up to that exact moment. But I didn't do any actual defending. I sort of caved, and agreed that maybe things could be better, or at least different.

Bill came home. Crystal came home. Juliana and Bobb came home. Bert came over. Stephanie came over. We shared drinks and stories of the disconnect between us and our parents. How I am spoiled that my mother shows general interest in the things I do, the songs I sing, the pictures I take, and the things I write, and that none of our other parents understand what we are doing. They were all married, with kids, and careers by this point in their lives. Some were on their second marriage already. They don't see the point in working jobs we hate to have enough money for rent in a house with our best friends and buy 24 packs of beer on a sunday night. They don't see the point in anything we do. And that is ok. They still all love us, and they still wants nothing but the best for us, but their best and our best are different. I can tell you that we all care about each other, and we all include each other in most of our plans and decision making.

And I learned something about myself.

I can find something to be passionate about. I think I found it. And I learned that I can tell someone something and not need their approval, or a response. I can say something so that I know it has been said, and that is all that matters.

I'm learning to apply my diy/punk rock ethics to other areas of my life. It makes me smile.

a farewell to peppers

Oh peppers, how you made my days go by, how you filled my pockets, how you helped my middle class attempts at smashing the state. You made me drinking buddies and bowling friends. You brought people to sing with in karaoke bars. Dry-run-thru's of taxes were done at your bar. Surprise visits to lovers too. Peppers you were the backdrop to some of the best and worse days. To some spirited debates and colorful outbursts. You let me outlast more than I should, but I go before many others who should already be gone.

So here's to you peppers, to the people that you let me meet, the beliefs you reinforced, the money you allowed me to make, and the friends I will never forget, even though they have already started to forget me. Thank you for these folks - Whit, Tricia, Miska, Carey, Juan, Randy, Tommie, Kelly, Red, Louis, Harper, Wayne, Bryan, Anderson, Keisha, Sam, Heidi, Donna, Deanna, Ashley, All the hosts with their sexy teenage butts, Vicki, Gina, Kevin, everyone I ever drank with, everyone I ever made fun of, and everyone I will never miss.

Peppers, You hardly knew me.