always a bridesmaid, never a bride

im actually in this picture, behind chris (the one with a dick). i had a great weekend, 5 good friends came up here to the mecca of hella bring some southern california... how do you say... flava. this is from a nice little place called fanny ann's in old sac. i work with most of the people in this picture. i was drunk. we all were, and it was beautiful. it takes about 25 minutes to get from my house to old sac, so we convinced my mom to drop us off at the bar. it was just like junior high, except this wasnt the mall and i didn thave a broken arm. some highlights of the evening - shots of jager in don knotts honor, dancing with large women, throwing quarters on the ground, someone pouring beer on someone elses feet, a quote "you look slutty, just kidding, slut" and a $60 cab ride home. there were many other things that happened, it was all fun, and i cant wait to see everyone again.

i watch sportscenter a lot, and they had a great story about an autistic kid playing basketball. it was inspirational. now its time for sudoku and bedtime.

bon voyage

the glasses i have known for a long time are gone, forever. i must sleep, for in the morning, i will get new glasses and i will eulogize the glasses of the past

skinheads, whiskey, and my stepdad

those are the three things in my life right now. i drank a couple jack and cokes at fridays, and i came home to hang out with my stepdad and talk about how retarded skinheads are. it was a good day. i would have more pictures but my camera's battery died. i will sleep well, happy presidents weekend from one of the few people that resembles a dead president!

when i say fuck the man, its what i believe, no matter who that man happens to be...

i realized that more than likely my time with my friends is on the end of a vp's shotgun and we got everything against us. i wish i wasnt up here wasting away stockpiling hamiltons coming up with better ways to live my life, but i am, and thats me, and im sorry. dear friends, dont leave just yet, give me a chance to come back and live life how it should be. your understanding is appreciated, i apologize for deserting you.

one possible origin of my sleep schedule

thirteen years ago, fifth grade, valentines day. ive been thinking about this all day. it was the last valentines day that i remember as the valentines for the whole class and not that girl i thought was cute. actually, it was a transitional valentines day, valentines for the whole class AND the girl i liked. i made valentines that year. red, light pink, dark pink, white construction paper, red markers, dolies (?), a little bit of glitter, glue sticks. i made some ridiculous amount (about 30, good old private schools and their low class sizes) and of course didnt start until 8 oclock or so at night. cutting out hearts, tracing cupids, making arrows, it was a lot of work. the funny thing about the whole thing is that just before that a pipe had broken under the house, and during the daytime guys worked on the pipe and on filling in holes in the foundation. our carpet was ripped up, all the furniture was in the wrong place, and i sat there, using the wire spool that i had up untill a month ago as my craft table. i was up till probably two or three working on them. my special valentine was for miyoko green. she might have liked it, but not enough to like me. funny thing, if you go to 43770 Santa Rosa Circle, Lancaster, CA 93535 and lift up the carpet to the right of the fireplace there should be a "anthony + miyoko" stick-in-concrete scrawl. to this day, as far as i can remember, it is the only concrete stick artwork i have participated in. (there should be mine and this girl raquel's initials carved into a bench at mcgrath state beach, and i probably led to the death of quite a few trees in junior high with AB + ??, but only one time did i doom a relationship in concrete) as i am retelling this story i cant help but think of how i thought it made total sense to put into a very permament piece of concrete my love for some girl who was barely my friend. i continued to do the same thing in varying ways for quite a long time. its strange that this is the valentines day that i have been reminsing about, but i can see it in my head like it was much more recent than 13 years ago.

sometimes i feel like im hunting with the vice president

i havent been on here in a while, that is mostly randy quaid's fault. if you think about it, you'll understand. fun things have been happening up north... i golfed the worst game of my life, i wrapped my moms birthday present using a glue stick, and i ate at the least busiest arby's in the whole world. i did all of that today. im thinking of going to technical school to be a basketball ref. im pretty sure i would be good at being bought off and looking the other way. actually, with those too skills i could be a politician, a wild west marshall, and meatloaf. "i would do anything for love, but i wont give you my dr pepper, but i will sure as hell sell out, YEAH!!!!!" tonight at work a guy told me that i could grow a better beard if i found a wild cat and rubbed its tail on my face, and it had to smell like urine. im actually thinking about finding a wild cat tomorrow instead of going to school. i was reading about someone who had a face like achipmunk and they denied it and now im wondering if i have an animal face. tomorrow i will do my best to make something nice. maybe ill go out and take pictures - SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!!!!!!

no looking back at sinking ships

its one o clock in the morning. i am relatively drunk. i am trying to convince my self that i should go to school tomorrow. i do this every other day(minus weekends). i know that i am "up here" to finish school, and to part of me that makes sense. but i can't help and think about why it is that i go to school. i think that i have it figured out, at least in terms of for me, personally, to 3 different reasons, in specific order. 1 for my parents. 2. to make money. 3. for the knowledge. i know, i know, its bullshit and its wrong, but it is definately true. i hear from my parents (one side more than the other) that i need to do this, i need to get a degree, blah blah blah. and i guess the following question sums up all my fears and doubts and everything else. am i only doing this so that i outwardly seem successful? that when the time comes, when the questions arises, i am not out in the cold, degree-less, looking in on the garden party of people more distinguished than me? a part of me says "oh anthony, you're just lazy, and you are using whatever political/philisophical beliefs to justify your laziness." and another part of me says "no, you're being honest to yourself. you're just trying to figure out what is right". and i guess that is what everything has come down to. i think of people that i admire, smart people, people i actually know, that i call my friends, and some have degrees, like bill, and others have shrugged off schooling for whatever reason, like dan. i think of people who love their jobs, like me, and people that i am pretty sure fucking hate them, like josh mann. and i wonder to myself. am i just going to end up in a career that i hate, because i invested the time and money into it, or am i going to get a degree and work in a restaurant, head and sholders above my coworkers, like whit? it just seems like such a shame/waste/betrayal, that the three days a week i spend four hours in a class room when i would rather be anywhere but there. and when i am not there, i still dont want to be there. i would rather read books i want to read, watch documentaries i want to watch, see things i want to see, live how i want to live. but instead i wake up early and go, hating every minute of it. i know my desires and goals and terms of success are different than the average 23yearold, i just wish i could figure out how to keep myself from feeling that i need to please everyone.