Two Weeks...

I've been busy. The time goes to impressing bank workers with my knowledge of salad dressings, classmates with my ability to destroy my own life, and friends with fragments of a meaningful life. Most days don't count anymore. No fire in my head, no fire in my heart, no fire in bed. I'm relying on things I did weeks and months ago. No one can keep track of what I contribute. I'm as stagnate as the beer in glasses scattered around the room. But they grow mold. I grow nothing. It is all empty bottles, residue and religious candles. I make calls I shouldn't and neglect the ones I need. I pray for familiar faces and voices, if praying is a pattern you repeat on most Tuesdays and the occasion Monday and Friday. I don't bathe. I don't clean. I don't wash clothes. I don't care.

Someone told me a bill needed to be my top priority. Above eating? Above drinking? Above fucking? Above writing? Above the band? Above my heart? Above all the bullshit I put here trying to look smarter/more attractive/more interesting/more together/more anything?

There are less then two months before I hit twenty eight.

The damn cannot hold.

what? welcome back? - mix

The interweb has been restored at my place of dwelling. I moved my computer into the "band" room, so now I have a new window to look out of. The house is full of new faces. Not really, they just pay rent now ;) Yesterday it was something like 100 degrees, so Bert, Stephanie and myself bought squirt guns and had an old fashioned water fight. Shits tight. In honor of the return of the internets, I made this little mix. Its for Imperceptible, because I've missed her virtual self. (p.s. the Tim Barry/Chuck Ragan/Guy from Lucero show will own everyone!) And Henri, because I like him. It has some different things on it. Enjoy.

Welcome Back - Mix - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=GC6HFFMO
Dear Chicago - Ryan Adams
Paper Planes - M.I.A.
Jackie - Scott Walker
Candle In The Wind (Ben's Song) - Andrew Jackson Jihad
We Are Wild Stallions - The Riot Before
Burn Guelph Burn - The Sainte Catherines
To Hell With Good IntentionsvMclusky
graveyard girl - m83
Drunk Mouth Kitchen Smile - The Lawrence Arms
All Alone In My Big Lonely Apartment - Bomb the Music Industry!
The Lazyboy 500 - The Falcon
$4 Pabst - The Gunshy

the times we do, the times we don't

I got a digital camera for Christmas in 2005. I have taken a lot of pictures on it. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 4000. That is at least what I have saved. There are pictures from 3 going away parties, a last night in town, 6 or 7 different states, costume parties, birthdays, nights at bars, beaches, mountains, airports, trains, buses, friends, girlfriends, ex-friends, people I never see anymore, kitchens, living rooms, bedrooms, garages, yards, patios, apartments, houses, a pool, and my own blood.

I had a box, probably 14x20, full of pictures taken with traditional cameras. 35mm, 110 mm, disposable, polaroid. Sometime before I got the digital camera I threw all of those pictures away. I don't miss them, those times didn't seem familiar. I didn't long for them, I am happy they are gone. In terms of the pictures I own, I didn't exist before 2005.

It is a strange feeling, feeling like you didn't exist, when you know you did.

That might be why I take a lot of pictures now. I often forget to take pictures when something momentous is happening. The everyday stuff, I'm there for. And those pictures turn out better anyways.

things come out of the woodwork

I was browsing through the archives, seeing how I felt about things a few months ago, seeing if I feel different. This was in the comments from Henri - www.corndogandrootbeer.com

The wickedness of youth is the nagging suspicion that your invulnerability might only be bravado.