we all hide a diary beneath some mattress

I have been accused of thinking that everything is a matter of life and death. And I have been accused that I feel life has to be dramatic and over the top. And I have been accused of holding on to a romantic notion of life that doesn't actually exist.

They were right every time.

I sat around and talked and drank with dan and bill last night, and in somethings they said I realized that all of those things are true about me. And that I like it. We talked about how experiencing pain is better than not experiencing anything at all. How, no matter how quickly it is come to or how wrong it may be, having an opinion about something is better than not. It can be hard to rely on yourself for your happiness, and it can be hard to find happiness in others, but it's doable. As much as I enjoy spending time with friends, sometimes nothing feels so good as lonely walk in a grocery store.

I thought I had a reason for all of this, but I think it's just for me.

I'm going shopping.

the tyranny of lakes

I spent a couple days at this lake a few months ago, on the occasion of a friends wedding. It was a great weekend with new experiances, rebonded friendships, sunsets. I am reminded of it almost everyday. There is a picture of my "roommates" kissing in front of the lake next to the couch. There are random pictures of people I know posing in front of the lake and/or dancing floating around the internet. There are pictures saved on my computer. And I come across these and remember. That's the case this morning. The trip was 4-5 months ago, far enough away to view it with some perspective but not too far off where you only remember the good stuff. There were the same old fights, brand new laughs (49,50 bagels?!?!), and more than likely, conversations that will never happen again. I woke up early one of the mornings and went for a walk around the chalet's and cabins, my legs burning from the hills/usual lack of excersize. I hadn't been on a walk in a long time. I've done more walking since.

contents might contain song about marrying a cat

Despite the feline community's apparent hatred of all things travel, I still enjoy a good song about inter-species marriage. The initial setup for this mix was the idea that someone else would have made it for me. I have done that before, but it is interesting to see what songs you think would get to you now that wouldn't get to you before. Somewhere along the way I ditched that idea just to throw something together as a soundtrack to the weekend I hope I end up having. I'm going to work a bunch, travel a little, and probably drink in quantity somewhere between those two. Come monday morning I hope it worked. If not, I'll still smile. I'm including the tracklist so you know what your getting into this time.

Have a good weekend.

Anthony

Para Todos!

• Water Manes At The Block's End - Latterman
• None of the Above - The Weakerthans
• Please Come Home - Dustin Kensrue
• Cat Heaven - Jets To Brazil
• The Ramblin' Boys of Pleasure - The Lawrence Arms
• Samson - Regina Spektor
• So I Fall - Small Brown Bike
• Chemistry - Jawbreaker
• Old Dead Tree - Defiance, Ohio
• Glasshouse Tarot - Sparta
• All Night Long - Lifetime
• New Amsterdam - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
• I Know It's Ture But I'm Sorry To Say - Violent Femmes
  

mr chandler, grocery shopper

Parallel universes exist, and they are somewhere on aisle 12 next to the nail clippers and eye lash curlers. Let me explain.

If you know about my new window, then you know I recently settled down in a new location. One of the things that comes with moving, in addition to trips to the dump and celebratory/sorrowful shots, is shopping at a new grocery store. There is a Vons next to the new location of my bank, and there is another one on the route I take to work. They are about 5 miles apart. Yesterday I shopped at the Vons on the way to work for some Jagermeister and baby thing, neither one for me, fortunately and unfortunately. I browsed a lot and made my purchase. Today I went to the Vons by my bank for some fruit (thanks Dan!), water, and stuff for veggie burritos. It was like shopping at the other Vons, but it was different. The workers looked very similar, but here they were older and plumper. Things were in the same relative area, some same aisles even, but flipped. I would remember seeing something yesterday, went to where I thought it should be, and it wouldn't be there. But if I turned around, there it was. It was a very strange day at the grocery store, and if you don't believe me, well, I forgot to buy beer. That isn't like me a all.

Here's the title explanation. I shop at Vons because of location(s) and that club card thing. At one of the previous residences where I still have keys, a roommate of mine applied for a club card. She used the phone number for the house, which was already attached to an account from the previous house I lived in. (Apparently I also collect phone numbers.) So now when I shop I put in my old phone number to save the cash. When the checker hands me the receipt, they look at the bottom, see her name, assume I must be her husband (what a poor judge of character these checkers are. Most of my purchases are of the alcoholic nature and I could be married? Well, it (didn't) work for my parents, so anything is possible.). Then they make this face, because usually they just checked my driver's license to make sure I am old enough to buy the things I buy, and my name is not "Mr Chandler", but they give in and say "Have a good day, Mr Chandler".

Strange times at the store indeed.

the thing that drove away the rain

picture this. i wake up, there is no sound of children, it's raining. it's beautiful. whit is sitting at the dining room table. he tells me that he made a quick little rainy day mix, and i said what a great idea, i am going to do it too. so i sit at my computer and stop putting it together. it stops raining. so here are 11 songs to listen to while it's raining, or while it's not. whatever.

no more rain

have a nice day

the happiest days of your life

After waking up from a night of hanging out with sergio, which, to the un-initiated, usually involves way too many drinks, I decided I am going to make a short list of some of the things that make me happy. In no particular order:

• any time i am able to do an exagerated fist pump while singing along to music, either live or over a stereo
• taking blurry pictures
• wearing a tie when i don't/not supposed to
• being the passenger on silent car rides, both happy and sad
• being the driver on loud car rides
• playing songs for the people they are about, preferably outside
• explaning to total strangers that i have a tattoo on my arm because it's what john wilkes booth said after he killed lincoln. that and their faces when i say it
• crying at weddings
• getting choked up in a situation that shouldn't make me choked up and trying to play it off
• unexpected phone calls/emails/messages
• this

have a good day.

10thousandth of a second and everything that is wrong with america

Here we are. 2007. Information is exchanged in time that we cant even comprehend, not even in NBA terms. I ask the computer: "How many times did france fall?" and I learn that in in world war 2 there was a battle called the battle of france, and it was also called the fall of france. and it was May 10th. That's only six days from May 16th, which is that great Lagwagon song about everything you have ever lived, right? Just another saturday, right? And at this point it all ties together. Another saturday, or thursday night, or friday morning, what is the difference really? 10 thousandth of a second to say "yes" or "no" or "because of everything that has ever happened, from the stairs as a child to everything i said to my friends last night". maybe the towers fail us. maybe they failed us years ago. because, you know, as they say, since 9/11 it's been hard. maybe not for me. or maybe not any different. so how do you spend your nights now? post -9/11, post adolescence, post opinion, post sacrifice, post anything that might have a built in reason? well, let's be honest. you wait around for an answer to a question that was the response to a statement about something that you honestly meant. and if you haven't learned anything yet, tonight you might learn that honesty isn't always the best policy. or you'll learn to keep your mouth shut. or you'll learn that as long as you do what keeps your heart honest, you'll be ok, even if not tonight, while you loose to a buzzer beater that took longer than it took for you to fall in love for the first time.

happy v-day, neither one of us won

Happy Valentine's Day (and happy birthday to my mom and other fortunate souls to be born today). I will be celebrating with booze, and with that in mind I put together a mix to be the soundtrack of my day. 14 songs, some happy and some sad. The above picture is from postsecret. It helped in song selection. So, whether you plan on having a good day, a bad day, or a little of both, listen to this mix, think of me, and raise a glass. We should meet at some point.

happy v-day neither one of us won

rain meat and cat piss

short and sweet. i left two houses today. they were miles apart. it was raining both times. i also decided to give up meat. an impromto but heart felt dedication to bobb. the white cat in this house, who i think is named norman, just pissed in my suitcase. good luck if he gets anything to eat from me now, bastard.

Keys they complicate my life.

As a child I collected keys. I had a key ring with all sorts of different keys on it. I think I had every second key to every door/padlock/chest/drawer in my childhood home. We moved out when I was seventeen, and I threw all those keys away. I started a new collection soon after that. A couple of car keys, a couple house keys, a key to a lockbox, a nice small set. Just like the collection it soon grew to include mailbox keys, townhome keys, keys for a couple houses, for my room, for the garage, for my second room, for a door that never got used. When I moved out of that house, the glorious house on Avenue M in Lancaster, I got rid of all those keys. This is the point of origin for my current collection of keys, my most impressive to date. In chronilogical order: 3 truck keys, 2 lostwood house keys, 2 sacramento house keys, 1 gas cap key, 1 j-14 house key, 1 bike lock key, 1 texas house key, 1 storage unit key, 2 whit's house keys. That's where I stand now. I really enjoy having all these keys in my pocket. I think it has something to do with all these available safe havens, or that I am trustworthy enough to be trusted with keys, or it might just be that I like having keys that I never use.

Resurection February!

it's been a smidgen of time, hasn't it? hopefully everyone is doing well. i have a new window to look out and a new view looking back at me (see above). This place (blog, not space i look out window from) should be getting pretty cozy and well worn soon enough. Come back tomorrow, you'll be glad you did.