we all hide a diary beneath some mattress

I have been accused of thinking that everything is a matter of life and death. And I have been accused that I feel life has to be dramatic and over the top. And I have been accused of holding on to a romantic notion of life that doesn't actually exist.

They were right every time.

I sat around and talked and drank with dan and bill last night, and in somethings they said I realized that all of those things are true about me. And that I like it. We talked about how experiencing pain is better than not experiencing anything at all. How, no matter how quickly it is come to or how wrong it may be, having an opinion about something is better than not. It can be hard to rely on yourself for your happiness, and it can be hard to find happiness in others, but it's doable. As much as I enjoy spending time with friends, sometimes nothing feels so good as lonely walk in a grocery store.

I thought I had a reason for all of this, but I think it's just for me.

I'm going shopping.