Fuck you and the blog you rode in on...

(What do you want to know about? The weeks of quiet? The changes of opinion? The new drugs? And where they come from? Some pussy? Or no pussy? Or why it is suddenly pussy? Is that it? Or is it the new towns? Or the new beds? Or the conversations I keep all to myself? Do you want to hear about the jokes that didn't work, the faces that don't show, or the corners that now make up my days? Well fuck you.)

I borrowed a lamp from my old roommate. We haven't talked in weeks. And the lamp has one working bulb, out of the three, that I use at night while writing. I gave up cigarettes for a lay a while back. But she doesn't know anymore so I'm back to smoking. I pulled a fan from my trunk. It has been hot as shit the last three days. So I use the fan to blow smoke out of my window. My new roommates don't know. Most nights I leave the living room without saying a word. I retreat to my room. Some nights I wrap a belt around my neck to make sure I cum. Some nights I watch Japanese wrestling matches from the early 90's. The last few nights I use my phone to bore someone to death, or sleep, and jerk off to compilation videos of blonde women blowing black men.

I sleep for minutes at a time. When I am not asleep I am grinding my teeth, counting sirens outside of my window, and praying for some stray bullet to find my heart.

Because everyone needs an unexpected funeral.

I think of stories to write, anecdotes to explain away the last few paragraphs.

But that doesn't really bother me anymore.

football and money

A year ago I was worried about where I was going to live and if I was about to loose my job.

One year later, today, I got a job working for the same company I thought was going to throw me out on my ass. And I live in Canoga Park.

Oh, how things change and how they stay the same.

Almost a whole bottle of Jack Daniels was consumed sitting on a nameless road tonight. We tried to figure out how we had even gotten things together enough in our lives to even meet. Chance encounter after chance encounter with so many people put us on that empty street.

I don't think I've ever been so amazed in my life, how things work out, come together.


You wonder where you change, or how you change. Places, people and things fall in and out of favor. Songs loose meanings, mountains don't scare you, valleys don't hold you, and you don't know why.

It feels good to do this again. The feelings are very different. But I love them.

I think if I ever were to be famous, or someone decided to document me and my life for the sake of prosperity, this last year will be the one. The one that sold the movie deal, the one that gets quoted on the sleeve, the one that people mine for ideas of how to not live their lives and how to create a character with no soul. This last year is the one that so easily folds me into a pretty little package with the ribbon and the shit-paper, my cliff note life.

But godamnit, it would be the best cliff-notes ever purchased.

Or not.

I got a lot of years left of fucking up ahead of me.

5:30, millions of things to say, but how?

i participated in a small celebration for someone born on leap day. They are 24 years old. They are also six, technically. In the course of the evening I was quoted poetry, given free drinks, and harassed for my life decisions. To say to someone that you will regret a choice you made in 5 years is easy. Life changes dramatically in 5 years. But to be attacked (barely) for deciding to do something about the happiness in your life? Whatever. Live and let learn. Live and let die. The list of things that other people think I will regret in five years (or in some cases less) is a very long list. Add your entry. Thank you for your input. Your opinion will be considered. I don't want to say it, let alone think it, but that same list you are carrying around in your pocket probably makes it hard to walk upright, maybe? At least at times I try, even if I have a tendency to fail.

200 - mix

I love that numbers like this get us all sentimental. This is my 200th post on this blog. In high school I had a crude diary on a free server that I had to code everyday and upload. Then I had a couple other blogs and misc things. This one was started less than a month before I moved from Lancaster to Sacramento. It survived the move there and back. I think for the most part I did too. It stayed with me through the pretty consistent chaos that has been the last year. Everything on here is wordy, except when it's not. It's sad, except when its happy. It's boozy, actually, pretty much always. One of my favorite things about blogging (besides the invitations to orgies at my own funeral) is putting together a mix for an occasion, sorting it, uploading it, and sharing it. If there is any occasion, this is one, so I put 13 songs that are just killing me softly (and sometimes not so soft). There are some older stuff, some newer stuff, and some surprising stuff, maybe. It's about this blog, the stuff I've written about, the stuff I didn't write about, and the people who still check this out. Brew some coffee, put some booze in it, browse through some of the older posts, before I knew what labels were, and enjoy. I'm actually listening to this mix as I type this, and it's pretty fucking good. Have a good chinese new year, even though I'm a few days late.

200 - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3FPI56CD
Joining The Army - Lucero
Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe - Okkervil River
I'm Sorry for Saying I'm Sorry - The Arrivals
Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
Personal Slump - The Weight
The Wright Wrong - The Wunder Years
Red Alibi - Sparta
Never Get To Know - Paul Baribeau
God Deciding - Hot Water Music
The Condition - Defiance, Ohio
Song for Dennis Brown - The Mountain Goats
That's What You Get - Paramore
Hot Knives - Bright Eyes

For Hilly: of Scorpios and Blogging - MIX

Yesterday was Hilly's birthday. I didn't go have brunch with her. I didn't tell her I couldn't make it. I didn't send her an e-card. I didn't send her a real card. I didn't do anything to actually acknowledge it was her birthday. So here is a mix for her, on the occasion of being old enough to drink in bars. You're 21, right?

Sidenote. I don't watch Grey's Anatomy. Apparently one of these songs was on it. Whatever. Fuck TV. My friend told me about it and I think it's good. So there.

So celebrate Hilly's birthday with me. At 5:00pm pacific I will do a shot in her honor. You should too.

For Hilly: of Scorpios and Blogging - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=0W3WV5GY
The Navasink Banks - Gaslight Anthem
Secret Letters - Erin Tobey
For Esme - Jawbreaker
Modern Love - The Last Town Chorus
A Sunday - Jimmy Eat World
Wait At Milano - Tim Barry
Fear and Tera and Scarlet O'hara - Dan Padilla
Old College Try - The Mountain Goats
Overkill - Dashboard Confessional
The Temperature is Dropping - Defiance, Ohio
Uncorrected Proofs - The Weakerthans

why i grow a beard

for the same reason i...

• drink malt liquor from paper bags in my bedroom
• my throat is sore after I see my favorite bands
• don't vote
• rent a home with my friends while people I know are buying them
• can never find a bad time to put on a good record
• write songs and sing them without knowing how
• ride a bicycle in a tuxedo shirt
• am jealous of people who spend most of their year in a van and on other people's floors
• have a hard time making it through every work day
• cry at weddings
• tell my parents I love them
• don't answer email even though I have 100 different things I want to say

Friday is a day off, after one day on, after 8 off.

Even if I don't tell you, I love you.

the royal we

I dated this girl for 5 years. We did a lot of things together. You know, went places, watched bands, etc. I've noticed lately that when I talk about some of the trips or bands or restaurants I still say "We" even though we aren't together anymore, she isn't present for the conversation and she lives in another state. It is strange.

Every chance we get

I spent the evening at a bar full of karaoke. Some friends of mine were supposed to meet another friend or two of mine there, but they didn't show, and we had a good time. Some women were celebrating either a co-worker or a friends birthday. Some men had brought their other halves out for the evening. Some people came out looking for love, some came out looking something that would feel better than the love they have. I came looking for more drinks and maybe a song.

Science journals and science teachers around the country probably say things about people's true character when they are alone. I challenge them to not make the same assumptions at a bar filled with karaoke. Don't get me wrong, many a folk do their best to impress the crowd. Some succeeded, most fail. But really, the person that you would hope to be comes out at karaoke. You may lean more in the area of shy than normal, or not. You may lean more in the area of gospel than normal, or not. You may care more than normal, or not. The perfect you shows up to sing that song, and the perfect audience, in some cases, shows up to sing along.

Karaoke has almost exclusively been involved in the times in my life when I have been single. Why? Ask Freud. It might be like a peacock showing it's feathers, or it might be like a camel showing it's ability to spit. Do I hope my karaoke skills would catch someone who would appreciate every minor crack in my surface? No. And would I want to fall in love with someone who would sing "You Ought To Know" to tens of strangers? No. But would it be cute to be a touring karaoke team that hops from bar to bar to bar to bar for cash prizes? Not really. But it is better than sitting around your house for the fifth night in the row? Sometimes.

What it comes down to is this. Go karaoke. Go with an open mind, and an open heart. Sing the songs that made you feel young when you were young. Sings the songs that you wished made you feel young. Just fucking sing.

Summer's Over

When I sat down to make this I realized I didn't have the patience for it. So here is a mostly chronological slideshow in celebration of the end of summer. The song is by Latterman.

youtube is the new crack

meaning it was introduced to innercity neighborhoods by the CIA.

I watch some of the most ridiculous things on youtube. I just watched the first 45 seconds of a "summer's over" slide show video set to an Atari's song. Nothing like anime drawings of beach volleyball to let you know your life is slipping out of your grasp.

I will now go make my own "summer's over" slide show. It will be a first.

the one where i finally get around to doing something

I did it. Finally. I spent the 25 bucks and got a pro account at flickr. Now there are a bunch of pictures to look through.

Enjoy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iambooth/

It's been a few days, no?

Nothing to exciting going on over here. We got hot water back at our house after 5 or so days, so I'm smelling a little better. The Fair opened, which is the like 11 day long drunken high school reunion with gang fights, underage pregnancies, tractor races, the Charlie Daniels Band, and a demolition derby. We are high class. Going to the fair is the motivation for posting again. I have some fun stuff in the works, but that is for another time.

Today I need your help.

As mentioned previously, I will be moving somewhere at the end of the year. I have some cities in mind: Seattle, Chicago, Minneapolis, Eugene, and recent newcomer Austin. Boulder/Denver dropped of the list because I couldn't bear to attend Broncos games. Here are my criteria for my new home, in order.

1. Good public transportation/No sprawl. I will not own a car. WILL NOT. I'll have a bicycle though, so a little sprawl is ok.
2. A "Scene". I would prefer a good punk rock/underground/whatever scene, or at least a place to see live shows, and hopefully play.
3. Football. Being a Bears fan, a city with a NFC team would be nicest, but almost any team will do. Also, college football would work. That's one of the things that got Austin involved in the mix.
4. Bars. Both for employment and entertainment. Everywhere has bars, but some places only have shitty bars.
5. Studio apartments. I will 99% be doing this by myself, so I would like affordable housing. I wont have much in terms of possessions, so it won't have to be big.

So there you go.

I know about Chicago, I've been there a couple times. I sort of know about Seattle, from the couple of nights I spent there recently and from hearing Whit's stories. But as for the others on my list, I'm pretty much limited to info on the internet. That is fine, but I prefer hearing about it from someone who lives there and might have some similar interests to mine. So if you live in any of the places, or have, or spent a bunch of time, or have friends who live there, give me some info, please? Or if you know of a place that might fit me, let me know.

You guys are great, whoever you are.

Tomorrow, one story that sums up my personality/life's path. It's a good one. There's no Lita Ford.

the mild disapointment in job retention.

I didn't get fired yesterday.

And it was a little sad. I had put together a nice little post-Pepper's bus trip of the country that would have made me the envy/laughingstock of the adult world. I was going to sleep on couches all over the place. I was going to see family and friends. I was going to go see bands play in small clubs in cities I always wanted to go to. I was going to track down a blogger or two and use the shower. But alas, I still have a job.

There's always today though! (I was going to put a wink here, but that would have just pissed me off when I read it over.)

I post on other peoples blogs

Thought I would give a heads up. I totally blogged about Lita Ford at Snackie's World today. Go over there!