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This totally a test to see if I can blog mobile.

Dear Miss Backer,

Your two items that were the entirety of your purchase are as follows:

1. Ground Turkey (probably for burgers)
2. Cat Litter (probably for a littler box)

The original color of your hair was peaking out of your scalp, most likely to be taken care of before the next night you took those two well manufactured mounds more commonly called breasts out on the town. (My teachers would call that a run on sentence; it would be hell to diagram.) Your purse was large enough to fit 6 gold bars and probably cost 3. I saw you drive away in your H3, with its H3 license plate frame, just in case some one didn't notice the H3 symbol above the other H3 symbol. You drove over two double yellow lines to go about your business, I did too.

I imagine you at home now, yoga pants and sports bra. Your hair is up in a bun, your cat is curled up next to a fireplace, or a wall heater. Turkey, uncooked. Cat box, unfilled. Text messages on an Iphone plan some future night of possible infidelity, for someone. A throw pulled over your feet and a bottle of smartwater sits on the end table. Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Yes. Yes, you are.

this time last year

Last year, this day, the 8th day of February, I was freaking out. Freezing on the inside and outside. I'm still freaking out, but in different ways. I want to write more, but I got wrapped up in archives and have to go to work. School starts tomorrow, its been raining.

Lately when I get upset (read: wanting to punch or cry) I clean. The kitchen gets it first, then the living room. I leave the bedroom alone. Strange.

I found some lost minutes

and filled them with shots of Jack Daniels and nice shirts. Must get started dancing. Pictures tomorrow. Maybe.

twenty days...

A friend of mine started a blog the other day. He told me about it. I like it. It reminds me of those days a couple of years ago, I wouldn't say they were better, or more exciting, but they were different. There are routines, and they change. There are constant faces, and they change. There are pets, kitchens, jobs, loves, fears, desires, destinations and dream vacations, and they all change.

This lack of writing is really frustrating, and I'm the only one to blame. There are hundreds of unused minutes in every day. If I string them together I can find all the time in the world to do anything.

In honor of my friends list, a list of things that have happened to me in the last twenty days.

1. I smashed my finger.
2. I saw mostly naked pictures of a co-worker.
3. I won a party.
4. I celebrated a birthday for someone I couldn't pick out of a lineup.
5. I rode bicycles to a bar, and back.
6. I cooked Falafel.
7. I got Noam Chomskitty high.
8. I wrote a song.
9. I made a mix.
10. I slow danced in the kitchen.
11. I received a large tip from a man with a leprechaun voice.
12. I surprised a friend in Long Beach.
13. I went back to SDSU.
14. I got into a shouting match.
15. I made pigs-in-a-blanket.
16. I saw a new band comprised of 2 people I really respect and a third I should.
17. I saw Andrew Jackson Jihad at a punk house, for the second year in a row, and made new friends.
18. I have a new President.
19. I hung out with a wonderful dog named pancakes.
20. I failed at making Magic Rocks. Sorry Imperceptible.

Tonight, I will listen to a friends radio show, drink beer, cook spinach enchiladas and kiss a beautiful women.

I am busy, and happy.

For the girls in the photographs and the songs that don't remind me of them.

I've heard them talk about heartstrings. Apparently, they get pulled. I'm not sure if they have any other function, or if they even exist, but for the sake of the thoughts I am having, there are heartstrings, and they only get pulled.

I've lived on the edge of a lake once, for a couple of months. It was in walking distance, and I visited it once. It didn't occur to me that I lived so close to a huge lake until about fifteen minutes ago. This song came one that I listened to a lot when I lived in Northern California, and it talked about the lake. I thought "Wow! I used to live by that lake, and I only saw it once." It was winter, but still no excuse.

Things will pop into my life, and they blast in full speed. I will have never heard of something (i.e. the apparently shitty book/movie combo Twilight) and within a week EVERYONE I KNOW will be talking about it, telling me to listen to it, or read it, or see it, or eat it, or drink it, or fuck it. Whatever. This has happened most recently with "The Secret". I can't even spell that right, I had to fix it, so I have no idea what the secret is, but apparently it is about positive thinking and visualization and wasting money on books and movies and seminars. I think. More on this later.

I know a lot of women. I will feel good to say that a little more than half of all the people I know are women. Crazy, huh? I know! Anyways, maybe because of their personalities, or maybe because of male personality, or my broad shoulders or whatever, but a lot of my women friends and acquaintances complain to me about their lives. Friends, lovers, jobs, roommates, food allergies, and clothing. And they also are the ones who get into things like "The Secret" or "the 10 people you meet on the way to the liquor store" or whatever that one thing was called. I don't know.

The song about the lake got me thinking about someone. I'm pretty sure she hasn't graced these virtual pages. I've known her about a decade, off and on. She always seems to have some problem. Some guy, some job, no money, whatever. But she never seems to do anything about it.
She takes pin-up pictures, and shows them off to her friends, but that's all. Strange, really. She puts all this effort into something that she thinks might make her life happy, but not enough effort for it to actually change anything.

Life is pretty easy. Don't get me wrong, I've been sad. Butt-fuck-seriously sad. Moving-across-the-country-in-the-winter sad. I've been there. And I've been happy. Super-drunk-coke-party happy. Moving-across-the-country-in-the-winter-happy. I've lost jobs. I've given jobs back. I've lost friends. I've given friends back. People die. It sucks, yes. But everyday you meet someone new! Or at least you should. I don't need a book to tell me how to be happy. Or how to live my life. You can keep your Bible, and your Secret, and your Twilight, and your Harry Potter, and whatever else finally told you the obvious things about being happy in life.

If you want to be happy, do it.
If you want to fall in love, do it.
If you want to be famous, do it.
If you want to leave, do it.
If you want to write songs, do it.
If you want to die, do it.

I was trying to figure out if I had gone to that lake more often in Chicago would I have been happier. The one time I went it had been snowing for a day or something crazy. It was only a couple of days before I left. I went with Allison and it was awkward, uncomfortable, fun, sad and joyous at the same time. Everyday was those last two weeks. But I wasn't happy and I did something about it. It was entirely possible that I could have failed, or that if I would have stuck it out one more month, hit that mythical/magical three month mark I would still be there. But I didn't, and I'm not, and I'm happy.

So keep your books. I'll be over here in the corner, smiling.

12 months of 2008, plus one - mix

It's almost 6pm, New Years Eve. I have no plans. I'm waiting to figure out what I'm doing, so I made a mix. One song for each month of 2008, plus a bonus one for next year. I hope this finds you happy, safe and excited for what 2009 will bring you.

12 months of 2008, plus one - http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?wqxjgem5gmg
January - Over And Out - Alkaline Trio
February - This Is A Fire Door Never Leave Open - The Weakerthans
March - Channel The Boss - Deepshit, Arkansas
April - This Year - The Mountain Goats
May - The Radiator Hums - Cursive
June - Humble Narrator - Two Cow Garage
July - Big Casino - Jimmy Eat World
August - Moab - Conor Oberst
September - Jinx Removing - Jawbreaker
October - The Swiss Army Romance - Dashboard Confessional
November -Caleb's Grave - Drag the River
December - I Gave Too Much Time To The Wine - The Gunshy
2009 - 100 Resolutions - The Lawrence Arms

filling the silent apartment

with the sounds of the Pogues the day after Christmas. filling my empty belly with a too strong hot chocolate/peppermint schnapps drink that is cold now. I've switched to the postal service for some inspiration if I start messing around with a synth tonight. Christmas went well. I couldn't get full, and I couldn't get drunk, and I tried all day. This time last year I was sitting on a bus. Remeber that? I think my seat mate had prison ozzy tattoos on his hand. My nose is peeling and I don't know why. It seems to be that time where I am running into people I haven't seen in a few years. It is all starting to feel very strange. 2009 will be a banner year, much like 2007 I imagine.

2008, you've let me down and made me feel like a prom queen. Seriously.

A series of thoughts as I sit around pre-gaming.

Pre-Gaming.

That is what I am doing.

What is it?

Well, its the drinking you do before you go out drinking.

• I'm not sure if buttered toast is a bar snack anywhere, but it going really well with my beer right now.
• Christmas came really fast this year. Last year it was an afterthought with the big move and everything, but wow, it got here fast. I was at a store 5 days ago and they were selling discount Christmas lights. I guess if you put them up in October you don't need them 12 days before like I did.
• I'm going to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party tonight. Does this mean office ladies get together and have Tight T-Shirt/Tight Pants parties? Do they stand around dress like I do and drink beer from cans with koozies and laugh at how ridiculous they look? When I walk into their place of business do they almost want to ask me where I got my Tight T-Shirt like I do when they wear their ugly sweaters into Peppers?
• Did I mention I'm working at Pepper's again? It's way better than the glory days, that's for sure.
• I finished my first semester of school since I think before I was able to drink legally. I feel very proud, but I could have done better.
• Noam Chomskitty doesn't like it when I pet his FUPA. I am making him fat.
• Canoga Park can get really cold. Not Chicago cold, not even close. But wearing a tshirt and shorts in November will make your body forget how cold it once was.

Well, time to go party. Maybe a picture tomorrow?

Best of 2008 - mix

I know some people, and they know some people, and those two groups have been making Top Ten Albums of 2008 Lists. I thought about doing it, and in listening to some of the albums that came out this year I realized there were a bunch I liked a lot, and a bunch I sort of liked with a couple really kick ass songs. So I decided to make a mix of my favorite songs from 2008. They are in no particular order, and they are all over the place. Its too long for a cd, sorry. 26 songs to listen to that week between Christmas and New Years when you either don't drink enough or you drink too much. Plus, as Bill pointed out when I told him about it, this way people can hear some new stuff. So, enjoy.

Best of 2008 - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BI9PCTH0
1. My Year In Lists - Los Campesinos
2. Stay Positive - The Hold Steady
3. Sleep With No Bad Dreams - Good Luck
4. Drunkasauras Rex - Madison Bloodbath
5. Let's Dance To Joy Division - The Wombats
6. 5 Twenty 5 - Tim Barry
7. Ten Years Trouble - Off With Their Heads
8. First Song - Gordon Gano's Army
9. Cappuccino - The Knux
10. The Dirt Whispered - Rise Against
11. In The Craters On The Moon - The Mountain Goats
12. Drunk By Noon - The Measure [SA]
13. The Darling Days - The Gunshy
14. Shell Game - Banner Pilot
15. We Are Wild Stallions - The Riot Before
16. Juno - Tokyo Police Club
17. You - Atmosphere
18. Anna Is A Stool Pigeon - Tom Gabel
19. Walcott - Vampire Weekend
20. Little Brother - Dead To Me
21. Cath... - Death Cab For Cutie
22. Calling And Not Calling My Ex - Okkervil River
23. A Little Bit Cooler - The Cool Kids
24. Dear Sir - Bridge And Tunnel
25. A Jingle for the Product - Dillinger Four
26. Candle In The Wind (Ben's Song) - Andrew Jackson Jihad

Its good to know you're doing fine...

...with no reason to call.

I am bad at calling people. I'm bad at calling them when I think of them, or calling them back.

I blog more often than I talk on the phone.

Weird, huh?

I'm not sure what it is.

But for christmas, everyone is going to get a phone call. So if you want one, email me.

wordless wednesday. the first blogger to show up in geography class.

this year it is is this one, last year it was that...

The last two years, more than the years before, I have had a specific song play over and over in situations that would later become important.

Last year it was the song at the end of this post. Those times are another story entirely. This post is for the moments so far concerning the video above...

There is a radio station out here that considers itself indie, and apparently that just means they don't come in very well. (I'm kidding, they are really good, but their reception is shit.) I heard the song one night driving my car, or Stephanie's car, I don't remember. A few days later the video was on the "on demand" part of our cable box and I watched it 10-12 times. (It is on repeat as I type this, to put me in the mood.)

I've had some rough spots the last 2 months. I don't document them even though I would like to. Long story short, I am where I want to be, and a good portion of the people I surround myself with are not. Believe me, I wish I could, but I can't. I feel like Island Girl.

My loneliest nights and days have had this song attached. Some of the worst thing said to me have had this song attached.

I am both sides of this song. I am neither. I am this song. I am not.

and the bath came back, the very next day...

I took a bath today. It was my first since turning 26. It was nice. My body is sore. A bunch of friends got together yesterday to play flag football. Apparently there are muscles in my chest and around my "core" that don't get any work. Those muscles don't like me today. I don't like them either. But as a gift to mend our rift I offered them a bath. They accepted and seem to be more comfortable. I'm going to walk to the store and buy some stuff to cook.

I have 2 days to apply to a university. I have no idea where to go.

Any ideas?

slouching towards 30...

If there was a hill, and i was my twenties, well, now I am on the back side of said hill. Sunday I turned 26. Monday I recovered. I'm closer to 30 now than 20. That's what happens, right?

I've been in the process of neglect. I've neglected my bike, I've neglected my reading, I've neglected my cooking and I've neglected this. So, for probably the 17th time I'm going to make this thing more regular. I spend a lot of time sitting around watching people become chefs, best friends, fashonistas, sluts and drunks in a little box, I should be able to tear myself away for 15 minutes and throw together some picture with some anecdote about Noam Chomskitty getting neutered or throwing up arm in arm with a girl on my birthday. (That's the new Booth birthday tradition, two years running!)

Imperceptible was nice enough to send me some stuff in the mail. I'll take some pictures.

Hide your VW's I'm feeling frisky...

25 and no posture

I spent the evening making the apartment a home. I cleaned, vacuumed, and cooked dinner. For a while it worked.

A recently friendly face had decided to head back to Florida. I made the 5 minute walk to the bar to say so long. I keep collecting going away parties, hoping the ones for others outweigh my own. They might all be the same, drinks and smokes and bad music. Coworkers doing their best impression of friends, saying the things you are supposed to say so in a couple days it won't hurt to realize you forgot they left. I share a couple of shots, never with the person of honor, and exchange a couple of stories about the nights before I came around and what they used to do. The bar closes it's doors and everyone piles into their cars. I walked back, this time its a little colder and I walk a little faster. I cross the street when I'm not supposed to and I see my reflection in the windows of the diner as I walk past. I realize I'm slouching, and I have been for years. I straighten up and things are better when I get home.

The hours I've been spending alone are adding up like someone else losses on the market. Me? I'm just trying to make it out alive.

stealing other people's democracy, all by myself

There is a video floating around of a bunch of people telling other people to not vote. I think they are kidding. But they also say they are going to wait around for me to register to vote. So, I'm not register, and I'm not going to. Interesting?

I'm not going to link to that video, but I'll link to this one, it doesn't talk down to me.

More on this whole election thing to come.

streets...

I just watched a video where some punk kids set fire to a bunch of buildings in Chicago.
I think...
I've been listening to this Ben Folds song because of Whit for a good portion of my night.
I've been drinking cans of beer with my cat. and VH1.
I took a quick walk, to a liquor store, and a pharmacy, and a market, and all I bought was the beer I've been drinking.

I miss the streets of Chicago. Not so much the city, or maybe the circumstances, or maybe my inability to stand up for anything at any point. Really, I'm not that sure. But I know I miss walking those streets with a hundred places to go, with fifty buses passing me by, with twenty five bars to stop in and drink. I used to pass people on the street.

Now I just pass their empty containers.

7 things i think about while drinking beer alone in the apartment

in no particular order.

1. why does the number 7 always make me think of jesus?
2. if someone with a lot of credibility told me the things i did affected other peoples lives I didn't know, would i believe them?
3. seriously, punk rock should make everyones day better.
4. when I become a teacher, will I be able to do all the things I want to?
5. or will everyone have to read that book about the red fern growing?
6. will dan ever play music again?
7. why doesn't anyone deliver burritos?

wow, what a life.

Blogging as an existance

I would love to blog for a living. But I would get to distracted by fantasy football, death cab for cutie youtube videos and waiting for checks in the mail to get anything done.

I just wanted to post something today.