Sunday, July 15, 2007

the more things stop the more they must go on

That is Tim Barry, he is good.

It's 3:15ish on a saturday night. I am alone in my bed for the first time in probably about a week. The days seem to be bleeding together. That happens when you do the same sort of things everyday. I wake up about 11. I eat some lunch. Some music gets played, either live or on speakers. I go to work. I almost break down. I drink. I spend my nights with a lady. Everyday. That is what I do. No ties, but it might as well be a nine to five. No wife, but it might as well be a nine to five. Sometimes it feels like no life, but it is still better than a nine to five.

I am in life reimagination mode right now. I put in my notice at work. I shaved off my beard, which I've had pretty non-stop for about 4 years. I am putting mental price tags on all of my possessions, in case of a fire sale. I am assessing my personal value, in terms of how much my time is worth, and if I can turn my time into a place to live and food and time with friends. I am making decisions with little to no thought. I am wondering if this is it, or if there is someother path, or door, or window, for me to take.

Dan said the other night that women were prone to trying to fix their lives by running away, by moving to a new town, finding new friends, new thoughts, new loves, but not doing anything different.

My X-chromosome must be acting up.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you went from whoa to go with this lady real fast. No wonder you are now bored and dissatisfied. That sounds bitchy but I didn't mean it to be.

Anonymous said...

Just to clarify - another time I said you shouldn't spend ages and ages deciding whether you want to see someone or not, because they might get annoyed or be seeing someone else before you make up your mind (as seemed to happen to you once before). But, I didn't mean hurry up and start acting like you're married and jump straight into bed with her.

Sorry if I led you astray :)